I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
