she was so not down for the gang bang
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
