I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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