dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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