My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
