You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize