Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
