can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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