i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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