no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
