seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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