i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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