i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
