I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
