no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
