Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
