her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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