my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
