3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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