The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
