porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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