Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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