The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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