I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
