He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
this hospital has no fireball
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
