My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
