he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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