This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
