My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
