God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
