I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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