I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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