Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
