i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?