i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
