His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
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they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
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puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?