There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?