I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sorry about my life...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.