she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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