do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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