so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
