he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
