Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
