none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
