i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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