Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
