The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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