their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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