oh god the rape fog is back!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
