You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
please don't ironically join a cult
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