ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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