I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
