is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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