why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
