Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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