I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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