Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize