do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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