I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
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You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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