He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
