woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
