Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
