I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
