): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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