I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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