I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
