Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
