i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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