:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
