She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
