I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
