Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
